Devils' Gate by Clive Cussler and Graham Brown. Your scrawny hide will burn under the mighty Cussler gaze.
V is Vengeance by Sue Grafton. V is for the vicodin you will need from the beating.
The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman. Trained doves will peck your eyes out.
Christmas Treasures by Thomas Kinkade and Katherine Spencer. The treasures are tree ornaments made from your fingers and toes.
Plain and Fancy Christmas by Cynthia Keller. You will run screaming.
The Vault by Ruth Rendell. They will capture and imprison you.
Cain by Jose Saramago. Cain's punishment is luxury compared to your future.
An O'Brien Family Christmas by Sherryl Woods. Sherryl Woods will fly like a hawk from her home in Florida to pounce on you as if you were a lowly field mouse. You are prey for the predator. A raptor's bodily waste.
Come A Little Closer by Dorothy Garlock. Or go farther away. It does not matter. Escape is futile.
Red Mist by Patricia Cornwell. Need I elaborate?
Red Summer:the summer of 1919 and the awakening of black America by Cameron McWhirter. Your future if they allow you to survive that long.
Diving the Wreck by Kristine Kathryn Rusch. We don't have much scifi here at Lake Mills. The books are too dangerous to weakling like yourself.
Flee: a thriller by J.A. Konrath and Ann Voss Peterson. Konrath will write long-winded blog posts about your wasted allegiance to traditional publishing.
The Drop by Michael Connelly. The feeling in your stomach as you see what awaits.